Expectations

Tomorrow is my last day at ECLOF-Peru. The following Thursday (Aug 25), I will be arrving back to VA. How do I feel about leaving? Bittersweet. I feel like my time here is done and I feel peace about leaving, but I am not sure I am ready to adjust back to American culture.

It seems like just yesterday that I arrive to Lima. It was July 8, 2009. I had never been to South America (much less Lima) and had no idea what was awaiting me. However my life had become so routine and predictable in Virginia and my desire to engage in economic development work overseas was so strong that I was so excited to be here. The challenge was daunting, but extremely thrilling.

Looking back, it has been an amazing two years.

I have pushed myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. I have hiked through Andean mountain passes where ipods don´t function and paddled down Amazonian rivers in hot jungle heat where mosquitos aren´t phased by deet. I have had the chance to be entrepreneurial, to work directly with poor entrepreneurs in Peru´s shantytowns and to develop new products and programs. I worked for a cause that I believed in with 100% of my heart and which perfectly intersected with my passions. I have survived a million cultural challenges…from Peruvian bureaucracy to crazy landlords. I have met people that have touched my heart deeply and which I will never forget. I have grown deeper in my relationship with Lord and my trust in Him.

Life has not always been comfortable, but it has felt authentic and vibrant.

Yet, if I am brutally honest with myself, I also came with a lot of expectations. Expectations of things I would accomplish, people I would meet, experiences that I would have, ways that I would grow and change. Some of them came to pass, but others didn´t. There is no more time to build new relationships, get involved in different activities or change my life here. What God set out for me has come to pass. Time is up. I have realized that while mourning living my life here and all the wonderful things it encompasses, I am also mourning what never came to pass.